SmilesA smileA small thing to express joyHappiness, contentment.At least that's what it was intended to beBut smiles have evolvedThey are no longer expressionsThey are tools.Tools to hide pain and heart acheTools to fool peopleTools to fool yourselfTools to show people you are fine.We've distorted the lines so much,Most can't truly smile.And I am the worst offenderSmile.It's what I was taught.Smile.It's how I was raised.Never let them see,Hide behind a smile.I can laugh for days without a reasonBecause that was what I had to doThat was what I was taught.People hardly noticeMy smileMy smileMy smileThe words disgust me.It is no longer a smileNo longer MY smileI wonder sometimesIf I ever even had oneI know I must haveIt's not something you falsify at firstBut I can't rememberWe smileTo fool peopleWe smileTo fool ourselvesWe smileTo show we're okayWhen we are anything but.
Amellia AmellI think I can pinpoint the exact moment I went crazy. It was a Tuesday, I woke up in my uncle's house and I realized the horse brush was yelling at me. Okay so that's not true. And I use the word crazy for lack of a better term. I wonder what dogs think about. Probably food. I think about food. Well not anymore. Do you want a Mabari? I do... What was I saying? Oh yes crazy. I'd probably say I'm more distracted than anything else. Only I'm not distracted I'm simply thinking. Mabaris are loyal companions. I don't want to stop. Daggers are faster than longswords. I can't stop. We need 63 gold coins to receive upgraded weapons. So I think. Tomorrow will mark the 22 year 12 month 52 week and 365th anniversary of my birth. I analyze. If an opponent is off balance a well placed kick will topple them. I categorize. Leather and cloth while less effective allow a wider range of movement than plate and chain-mail. I never stop thinking. Always take out commanders to create a d
Wish For A Better LifeYou talk for hoursAbout pointless drollAbout someone's new boyfriendAnd that new shopping mallYou think about booksYou hold them with prideYou think about charactersWishing you had their lives.You listen to musicTo drown out the sorrowYou sit there and wishFor a better tomorrowYou love to travelBut never find what you needNot a place in the worldYou feel you'd succeedYou'll never have rootsAnd you'll never know whyUntil you finally knowYou would never have a tieYou were hurt when you were youngYou were hurt then real badAnd you don't know what's wrongDon't know why you're madSo you just keep movingTo place after palaceKeeping an arm's lengthBetween anyone's baseYou don't think you want homeYou don't think you want fameYou just want to be leftLeft out in the rain
Tell meTell me you care.Tell me I matter.Tell me I'm a good friend.Tell me I'm accepted.Please tell me you care.Tell me someone cares.It's all I long to hear. But,It's not what I need.Please tell me I matter.It's what I want to hearBut it's not what I need, no,It's not what I needTell me I'm a good friend.It would be nice to hear.It is my goal. But,It's not what I need.Tell me I'm acceptedPlease tell me this.I'll never ask you for moreIt is what I need.Tell me you care.Tell me I matter.Tell me I'm a good friend.Tell me I'm accepted.Tell me,Because I will never ask.
It's NOT a Fashion StatementIt's not a fashion statement,The black, the long sleeves, the glovesI don't want to get noticedI want to blend into the backgroundJust a spot in the darknessIt's not a fashion statementThe black, the long sleeves, the glovesThey cover the scares,They hide the painWith sleeves I'm not judged for past sins and weaknessIt's not a fashion statementThe black, the long sleeves, the glovesIt's a way to hide the bruisesThe blood that slides between my fingersThe cuts reopened against the bricksIt's not a fashion statementThe black, the long sleeves, the glovesCan't you see that?Can't you understand?Even if it's just this once.It's not a fashion statementThe black, the long sleeves, the glovesIt's a deathwish.
A School EncounterThe blonde sneered at me as I cleaned out my locker. It was the third time she'd looked at me today and I knew without even thinking she was going to say something soon. She had nearly every day since school started. I zipped up my backpack, closed my locker and replaced the lock."You're in my way again," she said. As I straightened my fists clenched, one at my side and one holding up my bag on my shoulder. There was plenty of room around me but I knew that wasn't what she cared about. "Hello! God you're slow." She pushed me into the wall of lockers and nearly caused me to lose my balance. I had to drop my bag to keep from falling over, and it opened and let my books and papers scatter across the floor. She looked back laughing. "Freak." I looked down not able to look her in the eyes.When she left I was very suddenly alone. After gathering my stuff, I walked towards the exit pausing at the cracked stucco wall. I started at it for nearly a minute before I struck my fist upon it, hard.