Her laughter is a lieHer laughter is a lie
The sleeves feel confining.
Moving with an awkward grace
That keep her from those
Her smile was
A little wisp that was once so big and now…
She lays awake at night covering herself with those red ribbons
They make her feel again
And for a moment…
Reality floods back
The pain sinks in like a dull familiar ache
An old friend
She smiles with it…
She laughs with it…
She FEELS with it…
She is not hurting anymore
It’s all gone
But for a few faint whispers in her ears
Whispers of the Others
She is at peace
As she watches the red rubies slip down her arms
Pain and heartache leave her for a few minutes and then…
The world moves on.
ShadowA friend, a comrade,
Follows me everywhere
I love my friend,
I never worry that she will be mean
Or that she will call me stupid
Or that she will ever hurt my feelings
My friend never leaves my side
A constant companion throughout the day
I love my comrade,
Someone who is always kind
Someone who will always listen
But when the lights go out,she is gone and I am alone
I'm OkayI'm screaming, can you hear me?
I'm hurting, can you tell?
I'm crying, can you see it?
I'm lying, do you notice?
I'm screaming, can you hear me?
I'm telling you things I shouldn't.
I'm finally letting the truth out.
Can you hear it?
The chaos I'm yelling,
The unfiltered feelings I'm finally sharing?
I'm hurting can you tell?
Can you feel all the pain I've shown?
Can you understand it all or any of it?
I'm showing you right now.
My soul is screaming out though me.
I'm crying, can you see it?
Can you see all these tears?
They surround me in pools.
Some old, though most are new.
Can you see them streaming down my face?
Can you even begin to imagine how many are there?
I'm lying, do you notce?
I've done none of this,
Yet all of this is here.
Bearly restrained against a closed door.
Completely confined withing 2 words,
A small thing to express joy
At least that's what it was intended to be
But smiles have evolved
They are no longer expressions
They are tools.
Tools to hide pain and heart ache
Tools to fool people
Tools to fool yourself
Tools to show people you are fine.
We've distorted the lines so much,
Most can't truly smile.
And I am the worst offender
It's what I was taught.
It's how I was raised.
Never let them see,
Hide behind a smile.
I can laugh for days without a reason
Because that was what I had to do
That was what I was taught.
People hardly notice
The words disgust me.
It is no longer a smile
No longer MY smile
I wonder sometimes
If I ever even had one
I know I must have
It's not something you falsify at first
But I can't remember
To fool people
To fool ourselves
To show we're okay
When we are anything but.
Amellia AmellI think I can pinpoint the exact moment I went crazy. It was a Tuesday, I woke up in my uncle's house and I realized the horse brush was yelling at me. Okay so that's not true. And I use the word crazy for lack of a better term. I wonder what dogs think about. Probably food. I think about food. Well not anymore. Do you want a Mabari? I do... What was I saying? Oh yes crazy. I'd probably say I'm more distracted than anything else. Only I'm not distracted I'm simply thinking. Mabaris are loyal companions. I don't want to stop. Daggers are faster than longswords. I can't stop. We need 63 gold coins to receive upgraded weapons. So I think. Tomorrow will mark the 22 year 12 month 52 week and 365th anniversary of my birth. I analyze. If an opponent is off balance a well placed kick will topple them. I categorize. Leather and cloth while less effective allow a wider range of movement than plate and chain-mail. I never stop thinking. Always take out commanders to create a d